Stupid goddamn f&#$(* germs. Got a call from daycare this afternoon letting me know that Roo had a temp of 101.5. I knew this would happen. He woke up crabby, would barely eat any breakfast, and wouldn't let me put him down all morning. I'd taken the morning off so I could take him to his scheduled checkup at the pediatrician's office (for his ears and lungs -- see last week's posts). Of course, his ears and lungs were just fine, but the doctor told me his throat looked red. Great.
So today (my birthday, by the way), I had a supremely cranky, feverish child. He took one or two bites of his supper and then started screaming (I guess his throat hurts), so we skipped the bath and I put him straight to bed. I had company at (grownup) dinnertime, and then I still had to take out the trash and recycling afterwards. I'm so goddamn sick of these goddamn germs. I've said it before: I can deal with all of this WHEN HE'S NOT SICK. When he's sick, though, it just sends me over the edge. I'm supposed to be PACKING FOR VACATION, not constantly holding/nursing/soothing a poor little sick kid, like it seems I'm doing every week or so these days. And I just hate seeing him sick in general. He's so sad and pathetic. I hope he sleeps well tonight and can beat this bug quickly.
Frigging ARRRHRHRHRHGHGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
It's Baaaaaack......(this might explain it!)
So, after nearly 18 months on hiatus (during my pregnancy and the first 8.5 months of Andrew's life), it's back. I'm sure you can guess what "it" is. How exciting!
And according to kellymom.com, a site that I've found to have incredibly helpful and accurate information about breastfeeding and its associated problems and complications,
"Some women experience a drop in milk supply from ovulation (mid-cycle) until the first day or two of the next menstrual period. A woman's blood calcium levels gradually decrease during this period of time, and for some women the drop in blood calcium causes a drop in milk supply."
Well, there we (may) have it. I thought that I might have been ovulating about a week and a half ago (sorry if TMI), and that just about corresponds to the dip in my milk supply. I did call the lactation consultant on Friday, and she very nicely called me back and suggested a "pumping/nursing every three hours weekend," plus fenugreek pills/tea. I was able to manage the pumping and nursing, but we just didn't get to the health food store for the fenugreek. I do have some Mother's Milk organic tea bags in my office, so I'll make some tea tomorrow at work. I've also read that oatmeal helps increase milk supply, so what the hell -- maybe that's what I'll have for dinner tomorrow. And I'll toss a couple of granola bars in my bag, too.
With Dad's help this weekend (he and Roo got LOTS of quality time to play together), I was able to pump enough to get the freezer stash up to two bags! If I go back to pumping three times a day at work, along with all of the other measures I'm taking, I may be able to stick with the boob juice-only thing!
Roo MAY have said "Da" in the high chair at lunch today. Three times. In a row. Right after Dad said "dadada" to him. Coincidence? Or genius child??? ;-)
The maid starts on Tuesday; after that, she/he/they will visit every other week on Wednesdays. I can't begin to express how thrilled I am about this. This weekend I spent as much time as possible clearing (not cleaning) off surfaces to make it easier for them to get my house spotless. Just the thought of bathing Andrew in a sparkling clean tub gives me goosebumps of pleasure. There isn't going to be dog hair (and who knows what else) stuck to the base of my toilet. This is really, really big.
I must say that the return of my "monthlies" threw me for a bit of a loop. It's just one more step in the evolution of our mother-child relationship. It means that he's independent enough from me (well, my breasts anyway) that I'm now able to produce another baby. These days it seems like it's all happening so fast: sitting, then crawling, then standing -- soon, walking. Transferring his clothes to the dryer tonight, I remarked to myself how the sleeves and pantlegs of the clothes that fit him just keep getting bigger and longer. I keep one of his "newborn" size diapers in his sock drawer, just to remind me of how tiny he was when he was born. And oh, how tiny he was. And my goodness, how big he is getting!
I have to say that folks have been very helpful and supportive, via email, in person, and through comments on this blog, about my milk-supply quandary. Thank you! I think I'd really like to see a long-term study of breastfed-only infants and formula-fed-only infants in daycare from a young age, just to see how many illnesses each group gets, and how long those illnesses last. I'm convinced that daycare is the major factor in Andrew's illnesses here...and I must say, knock on wood, that he hasn't been terribly sick, or even that frequently. But like I've said before, I'd been led to believe that the boobie juice was a cure-all. I'm also convinced that the majority of mothers who only breastfeed (i.e. never have to use formula) are also stay-at-home moms, or moms whose kids aren't in large-group daycare. So, of course those kids (and their immature immune systems) aren't going to be exposed to every germ that passes through the center. My mom tells me that I didn't go to a babysitter until I was 9 months old, and that I was rarely sick and never had an ear infection in my life -- and I was formula-fed. And let me tell you, there are a lot of illnesses that can take hold in winter in rural Maine...but I wasn't in group daycare.
I dunno. Maybe I'm just assuaging my mommy-guilt that I've "allowed" Roo to get sick even these admittedly few times. I've got to stop that whole guilt thing. After all, we do have a wonderful, bright, very smiley, standing-on-his-own, chirpy and recently very talkative little man! I've got to start focusing on what we're doing right :-)
And according to kellymom.com, a site that I've found to have incredibly helpful and accurate information about breastfeeding and its associated problems and complications,
"Some women experience a drop in milk supply from ovulation (mid-cycle) until the first day or two of the next menstrual period. A woman's blood calcium levels gradually decrease during this period of time, and for some women the drop in blood calcium causes a drop in milk supply."
Well, there we (may) have it. I thought that I might have been ovulating about a week and a half ago (sorry if TMI), and that just about corresponds to the dip in my milk supply. I did call the lactation consultant on Friday, and she very nicely called me back and suggested a "pumping/nursing every three hours weekend," plus fenugreek pills/tea. I was able to manage the pumping and nursing, but we just didn't get to the health food store for the fenugreek. I do have some Mother's Milk organic tea bags in my office, so I'll make some tea tomorrow at work. I've also read that oatmeal helps increase milk supply, so what the hell -- maybe that's what I'll have for dinner tomorrow. And I'll toss a couple of granola bars in my bag, too.
With Dad's help this weekend (he and Roo got LOTS of quality time to play together), I was able to pump enough to get the freezer stash up to two bags! If I go back to pumping three times a day at work, along with all of the other measures I'm taking, I may be able to stick with the boob juice-only thing!
Roo MAY have said "Da" in the high chair at lunch today. Three times. In a row. Right after Dad said "dadada" to him. Coincidence? Or genius child??? ;-)
The maid starts on Tuesday; after that, she/he/they will visit every other week on Wednesdays. I can't begin to express how thrilled I am about this. This weekend I spent as much time as possible clearing (not cleaning) off surfaces to make it easier for them to get my house spotless. Just the thought of bathing Andrew in a sparkling clean tub gives me goosebumps of pleasure. There isn't going to be dog hair (and who knows what else) stuck to the base of my toilet. This is really, really big.
I must say that the return of my "monthlies" threw me for a bit of a loop. It's just one more step in the evolution of our mother-child relationship. It means that he's independent enough from me (well, my breasts anyway) that I'm now able to produce another baby. These days it seems like it's all happening so fast: sitting, then crawling, then standing -- soon, walking. Transferring his clothes to the dryer tonight, I remarked to myself how the sleeves and pantlegs of the clothes that fit him just keep getting bigger and longer. I keep one of his "newborn" size diapers in his sock drawer, just to remind me of how tiny he was when he was born. And oh, how tiny he was. And my goodness, how big he is getting!
I have to say that folks have been very helpful and supportive, via email, in person, and through comments on this blog, about my milk-supply quandary. Thank you! I think I'd really like to see a long-term study of breastfed-only infants and formula-fed-only infants in daycare from a young age, just to see how many illnesses each group gets, and how long those illnesses last. I'm convinced that daycare is the major factor in Andrew's illnesses here...and I must say, knock on wood, that he hasn't been terribly sick, or even that frequently. But like I've said before, I'd been led to believe that the boobie juice was a cure-all. I'm also convinced that the majority of mothers who only breastfeed (i.e. never have to use formula) are also stay-at-home moms, or moms whose kids aren't in large-group daycare. So, of course those kids (and their immature immune systems) aren't going to be exposed to every germ that passes through the center. My mom tells me that I didn't go to a babysitter until I was 9 months old, and that I was rarely sick and never had an ear infection in my life -- and I was formula-fed. And let me tell you, there are a lot of illnesses that can take hold in winter in rural Maine...but I wasn't in group daycare.
I dunno. Maybe I'm just assuaging my mommy-guilt that I've "allowed" Roo to get sick even these admittedly few times. I've got to stop that whole guilt thing. After all, we do have a wonderful, bright, very smiley, standing-on-his-own, chirpy and recently very talkative little man! I've got to start focusing on what we're doing right :-)
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Better Baby; Achy Breaky Boobs
Andrew seems to be feeling better, now that he's been on antibiotics for the ear infection and meds for his breathing. The pediatrician said his ears look great, actually, when we visited this morning. Plus he said his breathing sounds better and that he's not "pulling" his chest muscles anymore. We can now back off to using the Albuterol/Pulmicort in the nebulizer only a couple of times a day, and we'll go back to see the pediatrician next Wednesday, at which point I hope we can stop the meds altogether.
Tonight is the closest I've come in a LONG time to giving in on the breastmilk-only versus supplementing-with-formula thing. A couple of things precipitated this:
1. Last week, a new lunch-coverage person began work at Andrew's daycare and mistakenly gave him someone else's bottle. Of formula. He was fine, and as soon as his full-time teacher came into the room, she immediately saw what was going on and snatched the bottle from Roo and replaced it with his bottle of breast milk. I could have been very upset about this (what if it had been a bottle of someone else's breastmilk, and what if that person had some sort of disease???), but I let it slide. He seemed to have absolutely no adverse side effects from his surprise "cocktail" of Enfamil GentlEase Lipil. Good thing I've spent all this time and effort (and surgery for abscesses, etc.) on breastfeeding. The least he could have done would be to turn his nose up at the formula!!! Thanks, kid.
2. I've been quite demoralized by this ear infection and asthma-like cough/nebulizer, etc. Again, I thought breastfeeding was supposed to be a magic bullet, or rather a bullet-proof vest, protecting him from any and every germ out there. Those formula-fed babies would hack and puke their way through germ season while my hippie breastfed baby would sail through, pink-cheeked and smiling, with nary a sniffle. Oh, how wrong I was. If they're in daycare, they're going to get every germ that circulates through; it's just a matter of time. It's not such a bad thing, I guess -- my coworkers whose babies were in daycare said they were sick all the time, too, but that by the time they hit school age they were almost NEVER sick. But really, sometimes I feel like I was sold a bill of goods about BFing -- almost like the lovely people who are out there to encourage breastfeeding (and LORD knows I am one of them and can sympathize) would promise almost anything to get you to try and stay with nursing.
3. My milk supply is dwindling. Tonight, because I only got to pump once at work today instead of twice, I had to thaw the last packet of frozen breast milk from the freezer in order to make up Andrew's two bottles for daycare tomorrow. And that's it. I now officially have no reserve of breastmilk. Whereas a few months ago I had a huge oversupply and could regularly pump enough for 3 large bottles PLUS a bag for the freezer daily, now I'm lucky if I produce enough for 2 4-ounce bottles each day.
So I have a couple of options here:
1. Work really, really hard to increase my milk supply again. This will mean a weekend of nursing or pumping every couple of hours, and I'll probably have to carry that into the work week, too. So, whereas I had cut back my daily at-work pumping sessions from 3 to 2, I'll probably have to go back to 3. Or...
2. Supplement with formula. If you've been reading this blog all along, you'll know that I'm not wild about this option. But honestly, I'm less not-wild about it than I had been, given everything I stated above.
Another thing: I'm getting worse at my job. I'm so sick and tired of closing my office door several times a day, taking off my shirt, plugging in the breast pump, connecting all the tubing...Putting on the hands-free pumping bustier. Draping a cloth diaper over my lap so I don't get milk on my work pants. Screwing the connectors onto the collection containers. Pumping. Disconnecting everything, being uber-careful not to spill the precious milk. Getting dressed again. Opening the door. Opening the blinds. Schlepping everything (discreetly, of course) to the staff kitchen to wash it out. And then it seems like it's only an hour or so later that I have to do it all again.
And all that, for what? So my kid can STILL get ear infections and have an asthmatic cough? I was formula-fed and I never had an ear infection and I most certainly never had to have Albuterol. Then again, I was raised in the wilds of Maine, where the air is crisp and clean and not polluted, and I didn't go into daycare until I was 9 months old.
I'm tired of schlepping the breast pump bag back and forth from the house to the car, from the car to work, and back again. I'm so tired of carefully swabbing out the intricate breast pump connector parts, membranes, collection containers, etc. I'm tired of all this and more:
Disposable nursing pads
Lanolin breast ointment
Cracked, bleeding nipples (yes, still)
My right boob being twice the size of the left
Leaking
Not being able to wear a sexy bra
Not being able to schedule meetings at certain times of day
Being bitten, even though those little baby teeth ARE cute
Being tired and hungry all the time
Worrying about spilling the breast milk when preparing bottles
Don't get me wrong: I do want to nurse Andrew until he's at least a year old. I've got no beef about him nursing when we're together -- it's just the damn pumping.
Would there really be that much of a decrease in benefits to him if he had formula at daycare and breastmilk when we're together?
I feel like such a wimp, but I'm tired, tired, tired of feeling like a moo-cow hooked up to a milking machine.
Tonight is the closest I've come in a LONG time to giving in on the breastmilk-only versus supplementing-with-formula thing. A couple of things precipitated this:
1. Last week, a new lunch-coverage person began work at Andrew's daycare and mistakenly gave him someone else's bottle. Of formula. He was fine, and as soon as his full-time teacher came into the room, she immediately saw what was going on and snatched the bottle from Roo and replaced it with his bottle of breast milk. I could have been very upset about this (what if it had been a bottle of someone else's breastmilk, and what if that person had some sort of disease???), but I let it slide. He seemed to have absolutely no adverse side effects from his surprise "cocktail" of Enfamil GentlEase Lipil. Good thing I've spent all this time and effort (and surgery for abscesses, etc.) on breastfeeding. The least he could have done would be to turn his nose up at the formula!!! Thanks, kid.
2. I've been quite demoralized by this ear infection and asthma-like cough/nebulizer, etc. Again, I thought breastfeeding was supposed to be a magic bullet, or rather a bullet-proof vest, protecting him from any and every germ out there. Those formula-fed babies would hack and puke their way through germ season while my hippie breastfed baby would sail through, pink-cheeked and smiling, with nary a sniffle. Oh, how wrong I was. If they're in daycare, they're going to get every germ that circulates through; it's just a matter of time. It's not such a bad thing, I guess -- my coworkers whose babies were in daycare said they were sick all the time, too, but that by the time they hit school age they were almost NEVER sick. But really, sometimes I feel like I was sold a bill of goods about BFing -- almost like the lovely people who are out there to encourage breastfeeding (and LORD knows I am one of them and can sympathize) would promise almost anything to get you to try and stay with nursing.
3. My milk supply is dwindling. Tonight, because I only got to pump once at work today instead of twice, I had to thaw the last packet of frozen breast milk from the freezer in order to make up Andrew's two bottles for daycare tomorrow. And that's it. I now officially have no reserve of breastmilk. Whereas a few months ago I had a huge oversupply and could regularly pump enough for 3 large bottles PLUS a bag for the freezer daily, now I'm lucky if I produce enough for 2 4-ounce bottles each day.
So I have a couple of options here:
1. Work really, really hard to increase my milk supply again. This will mean a weekend of nursing or pumping every couple of hours, and I'll probably have to carry that into the work week, too. So, whereas I had cut back my daily at-work pumping sessions from 3 to 2, I'll probably have to go back to 3. Or...
2. Supplement with formula. If you've been reading this blog all along, you'll know that I'm not wild about this option. But honestly, I'm less not-wild about it than I had been, given everything I stated above.
Another thing: I'm getting worse at my job. I'm so sick and tired of closing my office door several times a day, taking off my shirt, plugging in the breast pump, connecting all the tubing...Putting on the hands-free pumping bustier. Draping a cloth diaper over my lap so I don't get milk on my work pants. Screwing the connectors onto the collection containers. Pumping. Disconnecting everything, being uber-careful not to spill the precious milk. Getting dressed again. Opening the door. Opening the blinds. Schlepping everything (discreetly, of course) to the staff kitchen to wash it out. And then it seems like it's only an hour or so later that I have to do it all again.
And all that, for what? So my kid can STILL get ear infections and have an asthmatic cough? I was formula-fed and I never had an ear infection and I most certainly never had to have Albuterol. Then again, I was raised in the wilds of Maine, where the air is crisp and clean and not polluted, and I didn't go into daycare until I was 9 months old.
I'm tired of schlepping the breast pump bag back and forth from the house to the car, from the car to work, and back again. I'm so tired of carefully swabbing out the intricate breast pump connector parts, membranes, collection containers, etc. I'm tired of all this and more:
Disposable nursing pads
Lanolin breast ointment
Cracked, bleeding nipples (yes, still)
My right boob being twice the size of the left
Leaking
Not being able to wear a sexy bra
Not being able to schedule meetings at certain times of day
Being bitten, even though those little baby teeth ARE cute
Being tired and hungry all the time
Worrying about spilling the breast milk when preparing bottles
Don't get me wrong: I do want to nurse Andrew until he's at least a year old. I've got no beef about him nursing when we're together -- it's just the damn pumping.
Would there really be that much of a decrease in benefits to him if he had formula at daycare and breastmilk when we're together?
I feel like such a wimp, but I'm tired, tired, tired of feeling like a moo-cow hooked up to a milking machine.
Many Milestones
Goodness, it's been almost a month since I posted! Here are some milestones Andrew has reached since then:
He learned to wave the weekend before he turned 8 months old (it was Sunday, July 27, to be exact).
He pulled himself to standing on Sunday, August 10. Apparently he's been doing this at daycare off and on, but this was the first time he did it for us.
Over the past couple of days, and especially reliably at mealtimes and bath time, he's been babbling: "mamamama" and "babababa" are favorites. I had actually been wondering (and worrying) a little bit about when he was going to start babbling -- typical first-time Mommy, I know. It seems like just when I start worry about something, he up and does it! Anyway, he's also becoming fond of the hard "g" sound, but doesn't really go "gaga" yet.
That's the good news. The annoying news is that I had to take Andrew in for a doctor's visit on Monday because he'd had a terrible weekend -- bad sleep, pulling on his ears, nagging cough, and a fever by Sunday night. The verdict: an ear infection, plus "asthma-like symptoms," so the doc prescribed Albuterol every 4-6 hours (around the clock; ugh, yes, that means setting my alarm for 1:00 a.m. nightly), plus a pulmonary steroid (Pulmicort) every 12 hours, both via nebulizer. I am very concerned about this -- is he going to actually have asthma? I'll be able to ask more questions this morning at 9:00 when we go for our follow-up visit.
Oh, actually, here's piece of good news: I've hired a maid service. They start next Tuesday the 19th, and will come bi-weekly after that. God knows how I'm going to afford it, but I can't stand the grime around here anymore, and I just don't have time to get to it.
Last night I harvested 2 tomatoes and 2 cucumbers from the garden. They were tasty, but I wonder why the bottom halves of the cucumbers didn't fill out??
He learned to wave the weekend before he turned 8 months old (it was Sunday, July 27, to be exact).
He pulled himself to standing on Sunday, August 10. Apparently he's been doing this at daycare off and on, but this was the first time he did it for us.
Over the past couple of days, and especially reliably at mealtimes and bath time, he's been babbling: "mamamama" and "babababa" are favorites. I had actually been wondering (and worrying) a little bit about when he was going to start babbling -- typical first-time Mommy, I know. It seems like just when I start worry about something, he up and does it! Anyway, he's also becoming fond of the hard "g" sound, but doesn't really go "gaga" yet.
That's the good news. The annoying news is that I had to take Andrew in for a doctor's visit on Monday because he'd had a terrible weekend -- bad sleep, pulling on his ears, nagging cough, and a fever by Sunday night. The verdict: an ear infection, plus "asthma-like symptoms," so the doc prescribed Albuterol every 4-6 hours (around the clock; ugh, yes, that means setting my alarm for 1:00 a.m. nightly), plus a pulmonary steroid (Pulmicort) every 12 hours, both via nebulizer. I am very concerned about this -- is he going to actually have asthma? I'll be able to ask more questions this morning at 9:00 when we go for our follow-up visit.
Oh, actually, here's piece of good news: I've hired a maid service. They start next Tuesday the 19th, and will come bi-weekly after that. God knows how I'm going to afford it, but I can't stand the grime around here anymore, and I just don't have time to get to it.
Last night I harvested 2 tomatoes and 2 cucumbers from the garden. They were tasty, but I wonder why the bottom halves of the cucumbers didn't fill out??
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