Better Baby; Achy Breaky Boobs

Andrew seems to be feeling better, now that he's been on antibiotics for the ear infection and meds for his breathing. The pediatrician said his ears look great, actually, when we visited this morning. Plus he said his breathing sounds better and that he's not "pulling" his chest muscles anymore. We can now back off to using the Albuterol/Pulmicort in the nebulizer only a couple of times a day, and we'll go back to see the pediatrician next Wednesday, at which point I hope we can stop the meds altogether.

Tonight is the closest I've come in a LONG time to giving in on the breastmilk-only versus supplementing-with-formula thing. A couple of things precipitated this:

1. Last week, a new lunch-coverage person began work at Andrew's daycare and mistakenly gave him someone else's bottle. Of formula. He was fine, and as soon as his full-time teacher came into the room, she immediately saw what was going on and snatched the bottle from Roo and replaced it with his bottle of breast milk. I could have been very upset about this (what if it had been a bottle of someone else's breastmilk, and what if that person had some sort of disease???), but I let it slide. He seemed to have absolutely no adverse side effects from his surprise "cocktail" of Enfamil GentlEase Lipil. Good thing I've spent all this time and effort (and surgery for abscesses, etc.) on breastfeeding. The least he could have done would be to turn his nose up at the formula!!! Thanks, kid.

2. I've been quite demoralized by this ear infection and asthma-like cough/nebulizer, etc. Again, I thought breastfeeding was supposed to be a magic bullet, or rather a bullet-proof vest, protecting him from any and every germ out there. Those formula-fed babies would hack and puke their way through germ season while my hippie breastfed baby would sail through, pink-cheeked and smiling, with nary a sniffle. Oh, how wrong I was. If they're in daycare, they're going to get every germ that circulates through; it's just a matter of time. It's not such a bad thing, I guess -- my coworkers whose babies were in daycare said they were sick all the time, too, but that by the time they hit school age they were almost NEVER sick. But really, sometimes I feel like I was sold a bill of goods about BFing -- almost like the lovely people who are out there to encourage breastfeeding (and LORD knows I am one of them and can sympathize) would promise almost anything to get you to try and stay with nursing.

3. My milk supply is dwindling. Tonight, because I only got to pump once at work today instead of twice, I had to thaw the last packet of frozen breast milk from the freezer in order to make up Andrew's two bottles for daycare tomorrow. And that's it. I now officially have no reserve of breastmilk. Whereas a few months ago I had a huge oversupply and could regularly pump enough for 3 large bottles PLUS a bag for the freezer daily, now I'm lucky if I produce enough for 2 4-ounce bottles each day.

So I have a couple of options here:

1. Work really, really hard to increase my milk supply again. This will mean a weekend of nursing or pumping every couple of hours, and I'll probably have to carry that into the work week, too. So, whereas I had cut back my daily at-work pumping sessions from 3 to 2, I'll probably have to go back to 3. Or...

2. Supplement with formula. If you've been reading this blog all along, you'll know that I'm not wild about this option. But honestly, I'm less not-wild about it than I had been, given everything I stated above.

Another thing: I'm getting worse at my job. I'm so sick and tired of closing my office door several times a day, taking off my shirt, plugging in the breast pump, connecting all the tubing...Putting on the hands-free pumping bustier. Draping a cloth diaper over my lap so I don't get milk on my work pants. Screwing the connectors onto the collection containers. Pumping. Disconnecting everything, being uber-careful not to spill the precious milk. Getting dressed again. Opening the door. Opening the blinds. Schlepping everything (discreetly, of course) to the staff kitchen to wash it out. And then it seems like it's only an hour or so later that I have to do it all again.

And all that, for what? So my kid can STILL get ear infections and have an asthmatic cough? I was formula-fed and I never had an ear infection and I most certainly never had to have Albuterol. Then again, I was raised in the wilds of Maine, where the air is crisp and clean and not polluted, and I didn't go into daycare until I was 9 months old.

I'm tired of schlepping the breast pump bag back and forth from the house to the car, from the car to work, and back again. I'm so tired of carefully swabbing out the intricate breast pump connector parts, membranes, collection containers, etc. I'm tired of all this and more:

Disposable nursing pads
Lanolin breast ointment
Cracked, bleeding nipples (yes, still)
My right boob being twice the size of the left
Leaking
Not being able to wear a sexy bra
Not being able to schedule meetings at certain times of day
Being bitten, even though those little baby teeth ARE cute
Being tired and hungry all the time
Worrying about spilling the breast milk when preparing bottles

Don't get me wrong: I do want to nurse Andrew until he's at least a year old. I've got no beef about him nursing when we're together -- it's just the damn pumping.
Would there really be that much of a decrease in benefits to him if he had formula at daycare and breastmilk when we're together?

I feel like such a wimp, but I'm tired, tired, tired of feeling like a moo-cow hooked up to a milking machine.