I am my own Macy's parade

I feel like a balloon. And not a beautiful, rainbow-striped, buoyant hot-air balloon like you see on office motivational posters. Oh no, I am a soggy water balloon, filled to near-bursting with stagnant grody pond water.



(not me)

Despite drinking vast amounts (up to 100 oz) of water daily, which I began doing to increase our amniotic fluid levels -- and it seems to have worked -- I'm still retaining water like crazy. I'm usually a leg-sitter: i.e. I like to tuck one leg up under my butt when sitting in a chair. I can't do that now (feels like my leg skin is going to split open). My face is puffy like a marshmallow. I've had to move rings to smaller fingers. And of course I have the carpal tunnel problem, caused by what else but fluid retention. The physical therapist's office has yet to call me back for an appointment, though. Argh.

I've reduced my salt and caffeine intake (only 1 small cup of coffee a day, and that's mostly milk). If I don't have just a little jolt of caffeine each morning, I'll end up with a migraine, which will send me home to bed, which would waste a precious day of sick time that I'm saving up for maternity leave. So I need the one cup of coffee.

I guess I can try and reduce salt even more. I've heard that calcium supplements help reduce swelling, too. Also potassium. So, yogurt and bananas and potatoes-with-the-skins-on, here I come! Hide your women and children!

Ironically, despite the huge quantities of water that I'm consuming, the skin on my hands is still dry and scaly. This has been a lifelong problem with me; it doesn't seem to have anything to do with hydration levels. I think it's my thyroid, though that's been tested a few times over the past several months.

Pregnancy is a fascinating physiological process. As a coworker said to me, though, the other day: "The last month is what gives pregnancy a bad rap." ;-)

We had 65 trick-or-treaters tonight! Mom and I sat outside, since it was such a nice night. Halfway through the evening, my black (outdoor) male cat decided to sit on the stoop next to us, glowing yellow eyes and all -- how seasonally appropriate! Bob had to stay inside most of the evening, but a few preschoolers did ask to "pet" him, and he was very sweet while they proceeded to whack him on his sensitive little nose (as it seems all preschoolers are wont to do when "petting" animals). He is such a good boy!

36 Weeks, 1 Day - Checkup

Dr. S said pleasantly today, "Officially, if you go into labor now, no one will try and stop you." Oy!

We are up to the 50th percentile for amniotic fluid! -- which is damn near perfect, since you don't want to be in the upper echelons, either (equally dangereuse). Today's ultrasound tech estimated Murky at around 5 lbs. 15 oz, and Dr. S said we're on track for a not-too huge, just-right-sized baby. Unless I go overdue...

My coworkers have started a due date/weight/length pool -- any guesses out there? Had a couple of Braxton Hicks contractions last night, but nothing "serious."

I've gained 30 lbs so far. I'm supposed to get a call from a physical therapist today so I can be fitted for wrist braces for the carpal tunnel syndrome...so I can get some sleep at night. Which would be lovely.

I really have absolutely, positively no motivation to come to work anymore. I want to nest, to be home with Murky, to be safe and cozy and focus all of my energy on him (not the whiny babies I have to deal with at work). Alas, I still have that mortgage...

New Episode of "Fun With Pregnancy!"

That's right, folks, here's a new symptom:

Pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel syndrome.

Apparently, water retention irritates the carpal tunnel, which causes tingling, numbness and pain. Which is exactly what's been waking me up, several times a night, for the last several nights. I'll ask my doctor about it tomorrow, but I have to say it's extremely annoying.

To spare my carpal tunnels, I'm going to stop typing now!

Oh, and...

...and my hair is really oily and limp these days. Gross. Hormones.

Gotta start using a clarifying shampoo.

Full Circle

They're not kidding when they say that the second trimester is the "honeymoon" period of pregnancy -- the exhaustion goes away, you're still not too big to do normal things (like roll over in bed or wipe yourself easily after using the toilet), the nosebleeds subside...

I'm officially not enjoying this last month of pregnancy, at least not 100%. Tonight I had the worst nosebleed of the past 8 months, and my feet have ballooned up. I can't sit comfortably on the couch anymore -- hell, I can't sit anywhere comfortably anymore. And sitting and standing aren't so hot, either. My legs are swollen; I normally like to sit with a leg tucked under my butt. Now it feels like my leg skin is going to split open when I do that.

Oh, and the tiredness. Now that I'm drinking upwards of 100 oz of water a day, in hopes that Murky's amniotic fluid will stay at acceptable levels, I'm back to peeing at least twice during the night. And when I first lie down in bed at night, I get this weird desire to make lists of things that still have to be done before Murky arrives. We still haven't written the birth plan (even though we know they usually go out the window when "the real thing" is happening). We have to sign and fax back the cord blood registry paperwork. And my god, there still aren't any blinds in the nursery!!! We must not love our child! He's going to feel like he's sleeping on the sun!

I think I'm nesting. What I'd most like to spend the weekend doing is scrubbing my bathrooms, putting away cluttery items, deep-cleaning cupboards, floors, cabinets, and other crevices in the house. I want all of Murky's clothes washed, sorted by size and type (sleepers, long-sleeved, short-sleeved, etc.), and put away. I want the windows washed. I want to clean out the refrigerator. I want to put up wall shelves in the nursery and I want to put Murky's little board books on them -- alphabetically, of course.

Trouble is, all of that takes so damn much energy! All I managed to do tonight was 1 load of (my own) laundry and balance my checkbook. I didn't even pay any bills. I was supposed to go grocery shopping, but Grammy ended up doing that (even though she has a cold and doesn't feel very well). That was nice of her -- now we have enough Halloween candy for next week. That is, if the Pregnant Elephant doesn't eat it all before then...

Murky's been very busy today. All in all, he's been good to Mama, despite a few ninja kicks to the ribs and multiple head twists on the cervix and/or bladder. I still can't fathom that, within a few weeks, there's going to be this little person in my arms. Right now he's a fuzzy image on an ultrasound, a foot or knee or hand bulging out of my belly, a heartbeat on the Doppler. But he's going to be a person, with a name and a personality and a cry, and maybe Daddy's pretty green eyes or Mommy's chipmunk cheeks. We are all looking forward to meeting him!

Big Life Changes

It's interesting how one's life changes with pregnancy and, of course, the birth of a child. I don't have experience as to the latter, but I do with the former.

One big change: It's really not about you anymore. Not that I mind; given the last several years of my life in particular, I'm happy to fade into the background. It seems that MDad and I have easily done so, at least with regard to some people that we considered close friends. I suppose it's natural, considering the timing and nature of how our relationship came to be. But it has been interesting noting the differences in how our group of friends has handled one another's ups and downs, changes in life circumstances, and changes in life partners, in person and "though the grapevine" (which have, in many cases, been 180 degrees different). Talk gets around, I suppose.

But anyway, it's not about me anymore. It's about us. The three of us and our life together. I am blessed with a wonderful man who loves me enough to put up with our crazy set of geographical/job/mortgage circumstances right now, with my crazy mother, and with my crazy mood swings. I know how much he loves our son by the look in his eyes when he picked out Murky's first Christmas outfit last weekend, or by the sadness he feels when we talk about the reality of living separately, even temporarily, after the baby is born. He has spent countless hours these past months mowing my lawn, doing repairs at my house and working on the nursery, shopping for baby things, attending childbirth and newborn care classes and doctor's appointments with me, and holding me when I cry uncontrollably for no known reason. At last Friday's ultrasound, he tenderly wiped the ultrasound gel from my belly when the tech was done, a gesture that nearly made me weep.

I love this good, good man. He is my best friend.

Not a happy camper

What the hell is wrong with people today? Has everyone decided to jump on the Cranky Train??? Work is a nightmare today.

Today has been a steady stream of people with problems, demands, issues, bad moods, etc. -- most of which are their own damn fault. Not mine. Sorry guys; I'm walking around with an extra 30 pounds, I'm tired from waking up several times in the middle of the night, I have swollen ankles, heartburn, vomit burps, and a nonexistent bladder, and I still manage to keep from having temper tantrums at work. Do you think you could maybe try and do the same? Is that really too much to ask? Grow the hell up.

I would love to go home and go to bed early tonight, but I have to do laundry and housecleaning and at least make up a grocery list so I can go shopping tomorrow night. And it turns out I have to be in earlier than usual tomorrow morning to meet with a flooring guy to go over carpet samples before I then have to spend the rest of the morning doing preliminary interviews with 5 job candidates. Then I have a working lunch with 2 staff members, and then at some point my whiniest (emotionally retarded) staff member is going to show up in my office to discuss "some things." Ugh.

At last night's pediatrician open house, one of the couples that was in our childbirth class was also in attendance. The mom-to-be is due in 9 days, and she has recently stopped working (she's going back in March). Oh, how lovely that would be. Her ankles, which she had put up all day (including during her naps), were sleek and slender. I have angry red dents in my calves where my socks have become too tight for my bloated legs and feet. It is so attractive. And despite the fact that I consumed about 100 oz of liquids (mostly water) yesterday, my hands are still dry and papery, and my ring still doesn't fit onto its usual finger. How is that possible? Isn't drinking vast amounts of water supposed to reduce fluid retention?

Strap Me Down and Swab Me

This morning's fetal non-stress test (our first of many, apparently, for the remainder of the pregnancy) went very well. The nice nurses strapped two monitors to my belly and gave me a "Jeopardy!" buzzer to click whenever I felt Murky move. The idea is that the baby's heartbeat is supposed to accelerate when he moves, then decelerate when he calms down. Which is exactly what he did. Good baby!

The doctor also tested me for Group B strep, a yucky-sounding thing (at least for newborns) that, if I carry it, I'll have to cure with penicillin before the birth. It's found in 15-40% of women, is not translated sexually, and most women who have it don't have any symptoms. So, good thing I was tested. Apparently GBS kills up to 50% of the newborns it affects in third-world countries, mostly because the moms there don't have access to prenatal care or antibiotics. How sad -- it's the biggest killer of infants and it could be prevented.

Grammy is signing a lease on Friday morning! She's very excited about her new place, and she's even offered to come around to the house and check on my pets when I'm at work or out of town. Hallelujah -- my mother and I may be working toward some semblance of a normal relationship, after all these years!

Tonight I'm going to an "open house" at the pediatric practice just downstairs from my OB. I hope to snag a pediatrician and get that all set up before Murky is born.

Many things are getting checked off the list!

Hello Doppler, My Old Friend...

I'm soooo glad I rented the fetal Doppler machine way back when I was only, what, 15 weeks?

A big part of the fetal non-stress test is monitoring the baby's heartbeat while he's quiet and then while he's active. Just like a "regular" person, a fetus's heart rate should increase when active, and decrease when his movement decreases. It gives me some peace of mind to be able to listen to Murky's heartbeat a couple of times a day - once before work, and once before bed. About 5 minutes ago, his heartbeat was 148 -- just right! If I hadn't rented the Doppler, I'd have to wait agonizing days in between monitorings at the doctor's office.

Here's the link to lots of great baby shower photos by Auntie K -- can you believe she did those baby bootie flower arrangements herself???

MDad and I installed the car seat bases in our vehicles this weekend, and we registered for cord blood banking. Aside from the steep initial fee, I was surprised; I thought the annual fee would be a lot higher. It's probably one of those things that we'll spend money on and never have to use...but hey, it would be a good thing not to have to use it, right???

We also made a Target run for non-perishable snacks for the hospital bag, just in case we get hungry in the middle of the night during labor (Dad, that is -- Mommy's not allowed to nosh before the baby is born); and for after the birth (Mommy especially -- birth and lactation, etc. will take it out of her!). We also bought a small package of disposable newborn diapers, because Mommy is anal (no pun intended), as well as some hair bands to keep my hair out of my face, and an extra package of thank-you notes (people have been wayyyyy too generous!).

The only other thing I can think of to pack is a robe and comfy jammies. Trouble is, I don't have anything that I wouldn't mind...um...staining. Moms out there: did you bring anything special to the hospital with you? Did you bring special clothes? Is there anything you feel you should have brought but didn't?

On the MurkyGrammy front, she is getting excited about having her own place! Let's see if it lasts...

34.5 Week Checkup; Baby Shower

Yesterday we had a checkup and an ultrasound to "check for growth."

Murky is certainly growing -- the ultrasound tech estimated his weight at around 5 lbs, 10 oz, although who knows how accurate that is; I've heard that estimates can vary by as much as 2 lbs each way!

Weight gain so far: 28 lbs.

The only slightly concerning thing is that the doctor determined that we're only in the 5th percentile of normal for amniotic fluid levels. What that means is that I have to go in for fetal nonstress tests twice a week for the rest of the pregnancy. Once a week, I'll get an ultrasound. The doctor didn't seem too worried, since the baby is growing just fine (one side effect of too little amniotic fluid can be poor growth). It is a little scary if you do some googling (always a bad idea for pregnant women, by the way) and type in "low amniotic fluid." Apparently if your fluid gets too low, it can cause compression of the cord, which can cut off blood flow and nutrients to the baby, especially during labor. So if my fluid gets too low over the next few weeks, they may induce me or do a c-section. Which is why I'm currently OD'ing on water and cranberry juice -- maybe hydration will help.

Today was my baby shower, thrown by MDad's sister K and my college friend J. A splendid time was had by all -- we played Baby Jeopardy, hand-painted a bunch of onesies, ate vast quantities of food (and there were vast quantities left over -- anyone want some quiche?), chatted, and of course I was inundated with wonderful gifts and good wishes. I'll post pictures as soon as I've got them all. Thank you, everyone! I have such wonderful friends.

Nursery (Almost) Done!

Today we hammered out just about all of the rest of the nursery! (See below). Must've been that yummy oatmeal that MurkyDad made for us for breakfast this morning...

We put up the wallpaper border, cleaned the floor, arranged the furniture, put together the crib (including mattress, bumper, mobile, etc.), put up curtains and valances, hung photos on the wall, and moved in a glider rocker from our friend D.





Only a couple of things left to do: measure and put up blinds, put up floating wall shelves, get a rug...oh, and have a baby!

I have a lot of baby clothes to wash (get used to it, right???). That'll be my project this week after work -- that, and packing the hospital bag. We've still got to put the car seat bases into our cars and put the Pack 'n Play together, but I think we're in pretty durn good shape!

I love the nursery. I love that it's got lambies and bunnies and border collies and the perfect shade of green on the walls. I love that Daddy and I picked out the furniture and pattern together and that we both love them. We agree that the nursery is now the nicest room in the house. Only the best for our little man!

Broken Open

Today, after 32+ years of dealing with my (probably) bipolar mother, I told her she needs to leave my house. By next Friday.

With everything else that's going on in my life, I just can't deal with her undiagnosed, untreated illness anymore. And I simply cannot bring a child into that kind of environment. She has been rapid-cycling this year, which "conveniently" coincides with my pregnancy. But I'll tell you, it's been anything but convenient. In fact, it's been a living hell.

I always thought that my first pregnancy would be a super-happy time, filled with well-wishing loved ones and, especially, family members. And especially my mom. But the fact is that the stress has done nothing but exacerbate her illness, and she's been downright awful throughout the last 7 and a half months. I know that her hurtful words and actions are most likely caused by her bipolar disorder, but that still doesn't change the fact that they fucking hurt.

So I'm experiencing a big loss here, right before a huge life change. My daily BeliefNet email, as so often happens lately, couldn't have come at a better time.

It's like someone (or something) just knows, man. You know?

Getting ready?

I've been having Braxton Hicks contractions all morning, I'm pretty sure. They feel like menstrual cramps (woo hoo! just when you thought you wouldn't have to deal with anything menstrual for the better part of a year!).

I'm assuming it's because I haven't had anything to drink since I woke up -- naughty me. So I've filled my trusty Nalgene bottle with water and am dutifully sucking it down. Dehydration can cause BH contractions. Trouble is, a full bladder can cause them, too. So, you just can't win!

More Nursery Pics; "Professional" Reading

We're very happy with the color we chose ("Rejuvenate" by Behr), and with how the room looks after 2 coats of paint!







Now we just have to put up the wallpaper border above the chair rail, clean up the floor, assemble the crib, replace the door handles, replace the electrical outlets and light switch (and cover plates), put up curtain rods (and curtains and valances)...but we're getting close!

Here's what I've been reading lately:
Baby Bargains
The Happiest Baby on the Block
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer
What to Expect the First Year

32 Week Update

Two weekends ago, my high school friends C, H, and J visited. C is a master cake-maker and brought this masterpiece, shaped like a Gerber baby food jar:



Yes, it says "smoked salmon and espresso cheesecake..." C is weird.



Mmmm, pumpkin spice cake...



Last weekend, MurkyDad and I continued working on the nursery. Here it is with 2 of the 3 pieces of furniture we picked up on Saturday, still covered in plastic. The crib is still in its flat-pack in the upstairs hallway.



We even washed the windows inside and out, and scraped off all the extra paint from the glass from when we'd painted them white.



It's coming along! More photos soon...

"When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy."
-Kahlil Gibran