Thirteen Weeks

Andy Roo is 13 weeks old today! He celebrated by going to daycare, playing in the exersaucer and on the tummy-time mat, and by taking 4 naps :-) He's been a really sweet, good boy lately; in fact, he hasn't pooped at home in 3 days -- he saves it for daycare. Awww, shucks, Andy Roo. Mommy thanks you!

The days go by so quickly -- I work for a few hours, pump, work for a few hours, and repeat, and then it's 3:30 p.m. and time to pick up Roo. Sometimes I have time for an errand or chore (today it was getting gas) before picking him up. We spend some quality time once we get home at around 4:30; then Roo hangs out briefly on his play mat or in the bouncy seat while I unpack and refrigerate his milk for the next day, let Bob outside, etc. After that, we usually nurse and do a diaper change, and then it's time for Mommy to eat some supper while we video chat with Daddy.

After chats, it's time for Roo's bath, which he loves. Then it's up to the nursery to dry off, get a dry diaper, get moisturized, get butt-creamed, nightied, sleep-sacked, the works. After all this, we head to the rocking chair in Mommy's room to read (if Roo's in the mood -- tonight we read "Little Lamb" and "Goodnight Moon") and then to nurse. All of this is usually accomplished by 8:00 p.m.

At 8:00 p.m., Mommy begins her mad dash to get things done! Tonight was garbage night, so I had to collect all that and put it out at the curb. I skipped the recycling (screw it; there's not that much of it, and it doesn't smell or anything, so it can wait). I did do a thorough litterbox cleaning, though. Then I emptied the dishwasher, refilled it with dirty dishes, rinsed out Roo's bathtub and put it away. I washed all of his bottles, nipples, bottle caps, and accoutrements. I scrubbed the breast pump parts. I made up his bottles for daycare tomorrow. I got the coffeepot ready to run first thing in the morning (grounds measured out, water poured in -- all I have to do is turn it on). I made my breakfast and lunch for tomorrow. I filled the cat food dispenser and refilled the animals' water dish to the brim.

I'm proud of what I've packed for breakfast/snack/lunch tomorrow: PB/J sandwich on whole-wheat bread for the car ride to work (with my 1 cup of coffee); yogurt and granola for snack, chicken/veg soup (okay, it's canned, but it could be worse), cheese and crackers, a little container of applesauce, and an incidental granola bar (in case I'm hungry after all that!) And oh, will I be hungry. I weighed myself this morning, though: I am exactly 1 pound over my pre-pregnancy weight.

Sometime tomorrow (when???) I need to get to the grocery store. I have no bread. I'm low on milk. My lactating body nearly screams with despair at the thought of running out of food!

Tomorrow is Andrew's three-month birthday. Good lord. He'll be in college before we know it. We'll have to do something special this weekend.

And now it's 9:37 p.m., past my bedtime, so time for sleep...

My Left Breast

Alas, my left breast, which has never been as good a producer as my right, seems to be dwindling even more since the surgery for the breast abscess. At work, I pump three times a day, and I consistently get about 5 times as much milk out of the right breast as out of the left. And I think I really have an oversupply of milk nonetheless: I read in several places today that the average woman gets about 2 ounces of milk, total, per pumping (that's for both breasts combined). I'm routinely getting 6 ounces (5 from the right and one from the left). I'm not surprised that I had mastitis, then -- oversupply can leave you prone to it.

Trouble is, I don't really want my supply to decrease. I was able to pump enough in 3 sessions at work today to prepare Andrew's 3 bottles for daycare tomorrow, plus produce a spare 4+ ounces for the freezer! If I do this every day, I may not have to pump on weekends, which would be great. Now, I know that lots of things can cause my supply to dwindle, especially as the week wears on (fatigue, the fact that the pump isn't as efficient as the baby in removing milk, etc.), but this is kind of nice.

Andrew pretty much wanted to nurse nonstop from when we got home (at 4:30) until bedtime (8:00), with the exception of bathtime and some rocking chair time. Last night, weirdly enough, he went almost 7 hours between feedings (I know, I know, you're not supposed to let a baby this young go that long between feedings because it'll ruin your milk supply, but see above!) That means he went from his 10:30 feeding until 5:15 this morning. Now, I did wake a couple of times in the night wondering what the heck was going on, and he did wake once or twice to make little twittering noises, but he went right back to sleep. So, hmmm...I'm not ready to assume this is a pattern yet, but I'll take it as it comes.

They really do have periods of lighter and deeper sleep. He's been down for almost an hour now, and all the books and websites say that now is when they enter a period of lighter sleep -- and lo and behold, I hear his little sighs and coos on the baby monitor. He's really been the textbook child today. Knock on wood.

This past Sunday was sheer hell, though. In the late afternoon, he started vomiting. Not spitting up, but vomiting. Who knew such a tiny little person's stomach could hold so much? Anyway, we took his rectal temperature (for the first time ever: 99.2), and we called the pediatrician after the fourth or fifth outfit change. Since he didn't seem dehydrated and was still interested in nursing and didn't have a fever, etc., we just monitored him. By evening, he had taken a long nap and nursed and produced wet diapers. We were far more traumatized than he was. I'd been sobbing, and MDad had to make that emergency trip to the drugstore for unflavored Pedialyte. Which A staunchly refused to take from the bottle; we had to give it to him from a medicine dropper. Sigh; the poor dear. So I've spent the past 2 days obsessed with when and how often he poops, and what the consistency is, and whether he seems distressed while producing it. I called daycare this morning at about 11:30 and learned he hadn't yet pooped (he didn't go for me all last night, either), and so I worried for the rest of today until I picked him up, at which point the ladies cheerfully told me "Oh, he pooped RIGHT after we hung up with you!" Thanks, guys! I have an ulcer now, I swear.

I have a checkup with the breast surgeon this Thursday at 5:00. I'll ask about reduced supply after surgery, but I'm afraid he's not going to tell me anything I don't already know: increase demand on that side, and supply will increase, i.e. nurse the baby on it and pump it more often. OK. I'll try and do that. In my spare time!

Milestone!

At 4:15 p.m. on Tuesday, February 19, Andrew rolled over, from his tummy to his back. It kind of scared him, too. But at the same time, he seemed amazed. He got really quiet and gave me the strangest look! This was 1 day before he turned 12 weeks old.

Today at daycare he apparently astonished his teachers by dancing in the exersaucer. Yes, dancing! Normally they don't put babies this young in the exersaucer, but our little genius (their words!) is already able to support himself on his legs and hold his head up like a pro. And apparently whenever they turned on a musical toy that was next to the exersaucer, he would bounce his head up and down. My god, I would pay good money to see that! Anyway, I was so proud -- his teachers were calling him "Baby Einstein" and such. I know I've said I'm not going to be one of "those" mommas, but it sure did fill my heart to burstin'!

Re Andrew's night wakings: I'm wondering if I should let him make noise for a few minutes when he wakes at night, rather than immediately getting up to nurse him. Maybe his pattern has changed, what with daycare and a new routine and such, and it's affected his sleep cycling. I'll give it a try tonight. It sure would be nice not to have to leap out of bed every 2.5 to 3 hours for a half-hour session of nursing, burping, changing a diaper, getting up to pee, drinking some water, putting lanolin and fresh nursing pads on my breasts, etc.

9:00 now. Time for sleep! I nursed him at 7:30, after his bath and some stories. Let's see what tonight brings...

Growth spurt?

I think Andrew may be going through a growth spurt. For the past couple of days, he's wanted to nurse more frequently, including during the night (unfortunately, this has coincided with my return to work, so alas, Mommy isn't getting much sleep). Today at daycare he drank a whopping 13 ounces of breast milk, and he was only there until 2:00 p.m. I've done a little reading on growth spurts and nursing "frequency days" -- they usually occur not just when physical growth is stepped up, but also when the baby is learning a new skill, such as...rolling over. Which Andrew did, yesterday, for the first time ever (from his front to his back). We are very proud.

I'm in bed right now, with the lights off. It's 7:57 p.m. as I type this. I've realized that going to bed extremely early is going to be the only way I get any real quantity of rest, so here I am. I showered. I fed the pets. I ran the dishwasher after making a big pot of pasta and sauce for the fridge for the rest of the week. I took out all the trash and recycling. Andrew nursed at 6:15 p.m., and I bet he's going to wake up again soon and want to nurse again. In fact, he's rustling around right now, and I can hear him sucking on his hand...a sure sign. In addition to nursing more frequently, he is also nursing for longer periods, so I feel like I'm back to his newborn days when it seemed like all I ever did was breastfeed.

But hey, in a matter of mere months, when Andrew is crawling or walking and snarfing down Cheerios, I'll look back wistfully on this time, I'm sure. But right now I can honestly say that there are times when I just want to cut off my boobs and throw them out the window.

We did it!

Day 1 of daycare and my return to work went relatively smoothly! My alarm was set for 6:00 a.m., and Andrew woke me up at 5:55 to nurse -- although he didn't sleep too well last night. It must have been because he napped from 5:00-7:00 p.m., rather than earlier in the day, so he woke at 10 p.m., 1:15 a.m., and 4:30 a.m. to eat, and was not his usual "easy" self about going back down after nursing. On top of that, despite all the pumping over the last few days, I don't think my left breast is back to producing as much milk as it did before (and it never produced as much as the right breast), so I can't just feed him on one breast at a time overnight, or he wakes up hungry after an hour or so (hence the stretch from 4:30 a.m. to 5:55). But hey, nothing compares to the sleep deprivation of the first few weeks of having an infant, so I can't complain.

Between 6:00 and 7:15 a.m., we managed to nurse, get toileted and dressed, finish packing for the day, let the dog out and in, make coffee and a PB/J sandwich for breakfast (and throw some granola bars into the pocket book), and more, all while listening to NPR -- can you believe Castro "resigned?"

Andrew had a good morning at daycare, despite one major poop-splosion (all over his teacher, unfortunately). Otherwise he was all smiles and took a couple of naps (1/2 hour and 1 hour, respectively). He's snoozing in his car seat right now; I'll take him out after I throw a load of (poopy baby) clothes into the washer.

Oh -- on another note, yesterday I cleaned my bedroom and found my pre-pregnancy jeans. After we got home just now, I changed into them from my work clothes. They totally fit. Now, if only my old tops fit...damn lactation.

My girlfriends sent me flowers at the office today! I feel so loved! It felt pretty good to be back at work, although I'm sure I was spared the usual crapload of whining, complaining, etc. I mostly just wandered around, talked to people, pumped my breasts, opened the 2-foot-high stack of mail on my desk, caught up on email, pumped my breasts again, etc. Depending on how well-rested I feel tomorrow morning, I may try and work a longer day, since I've pretty much used up all of my paid leave time. If I'm tired, though, I'll only work a half-day. I do NOT want to get sick again!

Off to do that laundry...

Feeling Better, Feeling Worse

Physically, I'm feeling much better. My breast isn't nearly as swollen and hard and tender as it was, and the drainage incision is healing nicely. I'll be on antibiotics for ten more days, though. Today, MDad and Andrew and I all went to my OB's office for a breast checkup -- a sign of how often I've been there lately was that the nurse immediately remembered Andrew's name, like he was an old friend!

Emotionally, I'm a little unstable: Tomorrow morning, Andrew starts daycare, and although I'm only doing mornings this week (unless things go way smoother than I thought), it's still going to be a big change. Tonight MDad and Andrew and I went out to On the Border to "celebrate" the last night of maternity leave. I had a margarita, Dad had a ginger ale, and Andrew slept the whole time (since he'd missed most of his nap time during the day today). We were a bit emotional when MDad had to leave for MA after dinner. It's been nice being a family together, every day, all day. I don't know how military wives (or husbands, for that matter) do it. It's going to be hard enough having Daddy a hundred miles away during the week; I can't imagine him being in Iraq or Afghanistan. He's been so much a part of Andrew's life for the past 12 weeks, I can't fathom evenings without his songs and his jokes and his strong arms holding our impossibly tiny little boy. Somehow, I suppose, we will manage.

After Dad left tonight, I realized how absolutely organized I'll need to be during the week. I've got a list of items to remember taped to the cabinet by the front door; a sort of checklist for each morning as I leave. I've also got a list of chores and tasks to do each evening (i.e. feed and water the animals, get the breast pump bag together, etc.) This is essential for someone as scatterbrained as I am, and these days I'm even worse, what with Mommy Brain and all.

I've got us on a tight schedule for the mornings, realizing that there's some "play," since I don't technically have to be to work until 9:00 a.m. Our full-time days might look like this -- of course, I'll be sure to blog about them if they don't!:

6:00 Alarm goes off (unless A has already woken me up to nurse)
6:20-7:00 Get (both of us) dressed, finish packing bags (bottles, etc.), fill out daily infant contact sheet for daycare
7:00 Leave the house
7:05-7:15 Drop off Andrew at "school"
8:00 Arrive at work -- an hour of quiet time before the rest of the staff arrive.
9:00 Pumping session #1
12:00 Pumping session #2 (during 1/2 hour lunch break)
3:00 Pumping session #3
4:00 Leave work
4:30 Pick up Andrew from daycare
5:00-7:30 Evening routine: a nursing session or two, a bath, video chat with Dad and Nan, storytime.
7:30-9:00 Mommy time (dinner, shower, computer time). Feed the dog and cats, clean the litterbox, pay bills, throw in some laundry, etc. Oh my.
9:00 Bedtime.

I'd like to get Andrew on a 3-hour nursing schedule as much as is possible. If I can nurse him at, say 6:00 p.m., he'll most likely be fairly good-natured for a video chat at 6:30-ish, and then it's bathtime and storytime and bed...by 9:00-ish, which will be my bedtime, he should be ready for another feeding, which might (if I'm very lucky) carry him for 5 or 6 hours during the night. He may only wake to feed once (he's been doing this around 3 a.m.), and then again around 6 a.m. -- which is wakeup time anyway!

I can't imagine having tried any of this earlier in Andrew's development. Many women go back to work when their babies are 6 weeks old; Andrew was nowhere NEAR any sort of schedule then, and he was waking at least 3 times in the night at that point. Not that this is going to be easy, mind you, but there's a BIG difference between a 6-week-old and a 12-week-old.

I'm not sure what to call this post: "It Got Worse?" "My Girls Have Revolted?" "Adventures With Pus?"

Since my left breast wasn't getting much better, even with massive doses of Cipro, I had another ultrasound today, followed by a surgical consult. The surgeon was very nice, even when he was numbing my breast, aspirating a large amount of pus, and then eventually deciding to lance the breast. Yes, folks: I have a breast abscess. And it is gross. The doctor was amazed, after seeing what came out of the breast, that I hadn't been feeling sicker. He says I must have a "strong constitution!" I guess.

I have an open wound on my boob now, which has to be allowed to drain (into surgical pads stuffed into my bra). I still have to pump the breast, though, so when I pump I have to put Tegaderm (fake skin) on the breast so that milk, blood and pus don't go flying out of the wound. Periodically I have to put warm compresses on it, which makes more blood and pus stream out.

This is highly traumatic. I mean, I didn't even see my son come out when he was born, but I've heard it was kind of gross. This, I think, might actually top that.

I want to feel better. Like, now. Especially since I have to go back to work on Tuesday. I am tired of being on antibiotics. Tired of feeling under the weather. Tired of...well, being tired. Actually, I can (and will) handle being tired, as long as I'm not otherwise incapacitated. I just find this whole thing demoralizing.

Between my 1:30 ultrasound and my 3:30 surgical visit, I drove home to change Andrew and give him some time out of the car seat. My route takes me past my mom's apartment; I peeked at her parking lot and she was home. This is exactly the sort of situation when one should have one's mother around. For Christ's sake, she lives about a mile from me. Instead, she hasn't spoken to me (in any civil sort of way) since before Christmas. I honestly don't know if I can ever truly forgive her for all this. I mean, I look at Andrew sometimes and I can't imagine what could ever make me want to forsake him. He is, after all, my child. Why can't I be my mother's baby anymore?

11 Weeks Old

Andrew's 11 weeks old today. He had his two-month checkup last Friday:

13 lbs, 6 oz.
24 inches
(75th - 80th percentile)
Eyes, ears, nose, and everything else declared in perfect working order!

He was a little cranky last weekend after his first set of immunizations, but not too bad. He only cried while the needle was actually in his thigh (THREE shots, though!); then he proceeded to sleep most of the rest of the day.

He's outgrowing size 1 diapers!

He had his first "hour without Mommy" daycare trial run a couple of days ago, and he did very well! When I called (of course I called after about a half hour), the teacher told me he was in the exersaucer, and that they were very impressed with how he was able to hold himself up, even though he's so tiny. I was so proud. He had a good time, so I don't feel as horribly guilty about going back to work as I did. Just regular guilty. :-( And sad.

Slowly, slowly, slowly I am recovering from this most recent bout of mastitis, which necessitated another after-hours call to the OB/GYN last Friday night, and a Saturday morning doctor's appointment. My breast was as red and hard as an apple, and I was having flu-like symptoms again. My doctor switched my antibiotics (I'm now on 750 mg of Cipro twice a day; normal dose is 200 mg); it's been 4 days and we're finally starting to see some improvement. I decided not to go back to work this Friday after all, but to give my body the long weekend to recover. My boss has been very understanding about this.

Today is MDad's birthday; Aunt K is babysitting while we go out to a Grownup Dinner! Let's hope Andrew is a good boy for her. He's napping right now, a good long nap...so he probably won't be too overtired and cranky later tonight.

Remember when...

...he had to eat every 60-90 minutes? (he only woke up twice last night!)

...he had his days and nights mixed up, and we thought we would go crazy for lack of sleep? (he went to bed with a minimum of fussing last night, after a bath and "Goodnight Moon")

...he still had his umbilical stump? and so we could only give him a sponge bath? (he loves his bath now...except for the cold, clammy "getting out" part)

...he fit into size "N" diapers? (he's fast approaching Size 2 now (upper limit of Size 1 is 14 lbs; we'll see at his checkup on Friday how much he weighs)

...he fit into "Newborn" or "0-3 months" size clothes? (he's in 3-6 months now)

...we weren't sure if it was a smile or just gas? (we get lots of smiles now)

...we could only carry him in the "inward-facing" position in the baby carrier? (he prefers to face out and interact with his world these days)

...we thought we were just random sounds and movements to him? (these days, his face lights up at Mommy and Daddy)


He has grown and changed so much in just 2 short months! I just put him down after a feeding, play session and diaper change, and he's sleeping peacefully. So, now that we're finally starting to figure this little guy out, I have to go back to work and let the daycare people enjoy him all day. How do people manage to do this???

Here's his 2-month birthday "party" picture: